she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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