I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
