Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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