Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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