she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
