Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Your tits are I can't wait for
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
