yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
