Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
