Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
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