She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
