If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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