Ketchup is God's man juice
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
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You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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