y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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