I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
