a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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