I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
