Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
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Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
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My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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