Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
