I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
