So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
