I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
