You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
