Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
