can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
