are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
