And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
