I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
