The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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