addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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