I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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