So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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