i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
