this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
