Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
