he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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