Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
