I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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