ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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