Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
