Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Drake has all the answers
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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