i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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