fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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