fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
