I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
