We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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