I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
