Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
