Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
