Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
