Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
