Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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