You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
