hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
