I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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