there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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