i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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