I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I will pee on everything he values.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
