I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
