The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
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Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
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I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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