They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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