I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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