You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
50% drunk capacity currently
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
