I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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