dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
