I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
