Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
