I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
