i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
