Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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