Can Purell be used as lube?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
