tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
