just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Randomize
