mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
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