Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
