Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
