Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
