420 ftw
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
