is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
