Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
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Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
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I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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