I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
