i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
