How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
