Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
