And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
